Butterflies
by wallflower-rose
Summary: Finn and Amanda are a done deal. Charlene knows that. She knows that way too well.
1. Butterflies

Charlene lived on the coast, further east of Orlando than Finn, or even Maybeck. Her three-story white and glass perched on stilts at the edge of the pale sandy beach spilling into the sea. At the moment, it was packed. Kids in colorful swimsuits and tees swarmed the yard and beach, talking and wading, grabbing popsicles or sodas from coolers and tables that ringed the house.

"Nice party, Char," said Willa, sneaking up on her.

"Oh, hey," said Charlene, whirling around and grinning. "This old thing?"

"Shut up. Anyway, really, happy birthday."

Charlene rolled her eyes.

"I feel stupid being the youngest."

"Only five months younger than me," Willa said consolingly, handing Charlene a bottle of Perrier. "You look like you could use it," she added.

"Thanks, Mother," said Charlene sarcastically, but unscrewed the top and sipped it. The party, just getting into full swing, was almost uncomfortably hot, not just because of the dozens of kids swarming around her, occasionally calling "Charlene, you're out of Sprite", or "OMG, Charlene! Happy birthday!", but mostly because of the fact that at 7:30, it was still over 90 degrees.

"Found Maybeck over by the grill," said Willa, jerking her head toward the house.

"Why would I want to know that?" said Charlene innocently, making her blue eyes very wide.

"Save it," Willa teased, pulling her glossy dark hair into a ponytail. "You know he like-likes you."

"Well I don't like-like him," said Charlene firmly. "Besides, Jess is the one who's got the massive crush on him."

If only Willa knew…but of course, no one knew. Least of all him.

"Well, I'm going to go find Philby. His cousin was grilling shrimp over there, so I know he made it," said Willa, scanning the crowds.

"That's right!" Charlene squealed, giving her friend a quick hug. "Your four month annivvvvvvvvversary."

"That's enough, Blondie," Willa retorted, giving Charlene a mock-stern glance. "Go party or whatever. I have a boyfriend to find."

She wandered off, disappearing quickly into the hordes.

Charlene set down the water, feeling much too warm, and peeled off her white dress, heading for the ocean in her yellow two-piece. The shore was practically empty, since everyone else had attacked the food, and she dipped her toes in the cool water, watching as the rivulets streamed past her toes.

"Hey," came the voice behind her. She knew exactly who it was.

"Well, well," she teased, turning. "Look who decided to grace us with his presence."

Finn wore royal blue jammers and there was a crumpled gray t-shirt in his hand. She stared for a moment, observing the way his green eyes smiled at her.

"Can't rush perfection," he said, obviously amused. "Know how hard it is to find you?"

"My bad," said Charlene, sticking her tongue out. "I should have instructed all the guests to hold large neon arrows pointing in my general vicinity for your convenience." Secretly, she was glad he had looked for her. And he was right – it must have taken him a while, what with the abundance of blonde girls in bathing suits currently milling around the party.

"Hilarious," said Finn. "Going for a swim?" he added, inclining his head toward the surf.

"Good guess. Join me?" Finn pretended to consider for a moment.

"Well, I guess there _are_ worse things than swimming on the Florida coast with a pretty girl," he said, grinning. "Race you."

Gifts and cake didn't occur until nearly 9, when the sun had dipped closer to the neverending turquoise sea and brought the temperature down to a more comfortable 78 degrees. All the guests, numbering upwards of 80, Charlene guessed (it had been a word-of-mouth invitation)gathered in a huge circle on the beach, handing gifts to Charlene one by one, half eaten plates of fudge-walnut cake with mint ice cream in front of them.

Some of these people Charlene knew from school, the people she sat by, talked on VMK with, complained about PE with. There were her closer friends, the ones who trained gymnastics with her, the ones who she could call at 4 in the morning.

Then there were the other DHIs. They were….It was impossible to say. There was no way to say it. The bond was much, much bigger than little, insignificant words. No one else would ever understand it.

Brightly wrapped boxes and bags accumulated at Charlene's side, flatirons, books, graphic tees, and huge stuffed animals spilled from them.

Finn, sitting gjust close enough to make Charlene's spine tingle, was last, handing her a large present wrapped in neon pink paper.

"Remind you of me?" Charlene laughed, waving the box at him.

"Had your name all over it," he replied, smiling.

She carefully peeled back the paper and gently lifted the box's lid. She pulled her head back in surprise as a stream of stunningly bright butterflies soared out, tiny wings arcing away from her. At the bottom of the box, nestled in fluffy white tissue paper, was a large framed photocollage, each picture carefully cut and pasted onto a pale blue bulletin board with a silver frame.

Charlene's breath caught.

Pictures of all five of them posing with their DHI's, eating at the Mom and Pop diner, riding the Cinderella Carousel, Amanda and Charlene standing back to back, pretending to be Charlie's Angels. All of them waving from a parade float. Her and Maybeck pretending to shake hands with Winnie the Pooh, Her and Jess and Amanda and Willa doing a can-can line, wearing Mickey Mouse ears and grinning. And in the center, cut out in the shape of a star, was a picture of her and Finn.

It had been at Blizzard Beach, a little less than a month ago, when they'd all been there for a publicity shoot for Disney. They'd all been in tropical Hawaiian swimsuits and had had their hair spritzed with water to make them look "natural." Yeah, right. The shot had obviously been taken between shots, when they were goofing off and ignoring the production assistants.

Charlene was making a kissy face at the camera, heavily mascara-ed eyes bright and blissful, and Finn was looking at her and laughing, the light catching on the bronzed streaks in his hair.

She ran her fingers gently over the glossy photos and glanced over at Finn from beneath her eyelashes. He looked Nervous.

"It's gorgeous, Finn. I love it. Beautiful." He smiled, his whole face beaming.

"Thanks."

Charlene was trying to say something cute, and witty, something that would say "Finn, I really like you.", but Zoey interrupted her, grabbing her hand and jabbering about some rancom rabid cat that had bit Darryl, and when Charlene looked back, Zoey towing her into the crowd…Finn was gone.

Trying to ignore the sad, sinking feeling in her stomach, Charlene pasted a smile on her face and socialized, laughing, beaming, and pretending she didn't care that Finn was probably talking with Amanda, who had arrived a little after 8, looking stunning in a bright red halter-top bikini.

It was after 11 before Charlene had a chance to relax, flopping into a white Adironack chair by the edge of the water with a sigh. Taio Cruz and Rihanna blared in the background against the crashing waves.

"Char! Hey, beautiful!" called Amanda, hurrying down the beach toward her. Sure enough, Finn was by her side.

"You're the gorgeous one," said Charlene, giving Amanda a playful air-kiss.

Charlene loved Amanda so much – she was beautiful, understanding, patient, and endlessly loyal – and hated her with every breath in her body.

Amanda had the only Charlene wanted. And the only thing she'd never get to have.

"Don't be stupid, birthday girl. Everyone knows that you're the supermodel. Happy Birthday, okay? I love you." Amanda hugged her, arms warm and dry against Charlene's salt-spray-damp back, pulling back as Jess called her name.

"Manda! You gotta come see this!"

Amanda grinned.

"Be right back guys – duty calls!" She ran off, leaving Finn to lounge in the opposite chair and wait.

"Enjoying yourself?" asked Charlene lazily, watching the waves crashing against the sand.

"Yeah," he said thoughtfully, half-closing his eyes. "We're on a a white sand beach watching the sunset with Dynamite in the background. It doesn't get any better."

Charlene got up and walked into the waves, wading up to her waist in the warm water.

"Does it?" she asked, staring at the horizon. "Is this how it's suppose to be? Are you supposed to know? Isn't it supposed to be perfect?"

Finn got up and waded in after her.

"Charlie," he said gently, touching her shoulder, "Calm down. You're overthinking everything. You're fourteen, you're a Disney host, you're popular, and, like Amanda said, you're, well, really pretty. Sit back and enjoy!"

Charlene stepped towards Finn, eyes unsure as she tried to figure out what to say. Finn looked back at her, patient.

"I…" she began, trying to put the words in her mouth. They locked eyes, cobalt blue to bottle green.

And then she kissed him. It was gentle and soft and delicate, like when a bubble touches your arm, or a butterfly lands on you, just for a second. But Charlene's mouth burned when she pulled away.

"Charlene…" Finn was the one struggling to say something now. "I..."

"I know," Charlene whispered. She looked away from him, unable to meet his eyes. Her voice cracked. "Believe me, Finn, I know."


	2. Echoes

**Okay, so I decided to make this into a series of 10 oneshots, so it'll be**

**Butterflies**

**Echoes****(I was pondering Gateways, but doesn't that sound a bit Star-Wars? Plus, too much alliteration already.)**

**Roses**

**Sunbeams**

**Brushstrokes**

**City Lights**

**Statues**

**Curtains**

**Shooting Stars and**

**Glass Slipper**

**Like the titles? I'm not sure about a couple of them – go ahead and suggest some in a review! I'd love to hear them. Speaking of love, you guys are amazing! I could literally reach through the computer and hug you all right now.**

**Roses and Glass Slipper are written already, and I have a general plan for the rest, so I should update pretty regularly, twice a week, probably. And I might go over ten if I get inspired by your guys' titles. **

**I had a little trouble writing this one, and am planning on revising it, so comments are helpful. Enjoy!**

"God," groaned Willa, flopping onto one of the thinly padded chairs. "I swear, if I _ever _have to do that again, I'm going to die. Good ol' curl up on the floor and _die._"

Maybeck let out a displeased grunt and sat down in the next chair in the row, pulling out his earbuds and pointedly ignoring all of them.

"You're not alone," grumbled Philby, sitting down on Willa's other side. "Probably die of asphyxiation due to the toxic chemical fumes."

Charlene rolled her eyes, setting herself gracefully next to Philby. Out of all of them, she had probably hated the commercial the least. It was actually kind of fun.

The commercial was part of Disney's new "image" reconstruction: with parent disgruntlement rising (Miley Cyrus, anyone?) and kids complaining about stupid sitcoms (*cough*FishHooks*cough*) Disney was going in for a major rehaul. And since people 3-107 loved the DHIs, Charlene and the others had been booked almost solid for the past few weeks, doing promos and ads and appearances.

This particular commercial was for the brand new "Sportz Academy", a new summer program through Disney's "The Wide World of Sports." Apparently they'd made it kid-friendly by ignoring SpellCheck. It was a 1-week summer camp (in 6 sessions, mid-June through the end of July)available in 5 sports: Soccer, Basketball, Lacrosse, Volleyball, and Gymnastics. Each camp would be cohosted by a world-class athlete (mostly Olympians) and a DHI – David Beckham and Finn for soccer, Michael Jordan and Maybeck (basketball – Maybeck was secretly so excited, he had dissed the Olympics. Beckham had snorted and stomped off) Michael Powell and Philby for Lacrosse, Danielle Scott-Arruba & Willa for volleyball, and Shawn Johnson and Charlene for gymnastics.

Willa had protested for some time that archery would be waaaaaaaaay cooler, and after Danielle had glared at her a couple times and Brad had not-so-gently told her that they would rather not deal with the eye-stabbing issues that would doubtless follow the introduction of pointy arrows to an assortment of hormonal teenagers, she had shut up.

Originally, Disney had also tried to get Michael Phelps and Charlene to do swimming (typical, Charlene had complained, put the skinny blonde girl in a bikini) but luckily, Michael had apparently been too busy dating supermodels (oh…yah…and swimming….) and Natalie Coughlin had politely pointed out that, hello, there were only a few YEARS LEFT UNTI L THE NEXT OLYMPICS! So no thanks. This meant that Charlene actually got to do something she was good at…what a concept.

The final cut of the commercial (which Brad had shown them just before departure for the airport) was, in fact, pretty cool. Montages of old, black & white sports clips mixed with shots of the hosts, athletes, and Disney camp centers. They'd been filming for days: "HIT THE BALL HARDER!" "HIT THE BALL LESS HARD!" "HIT IT WITH INTENSITY!" "THAT'S TOO INTENSE!"

Willa's shots had taken the longest: spiking the ball, hitting the ball, running, dodging, passing the ball, "DON'T LET IT HIT YOU IN THE HEAD," looking excited and carefree while spiking the ball. Maybeck leapt and jumped and dribbled, slamming the ball through the net as Michael Jordan looked dutifully impressed. Philby raced across an impossibly green lacrosse field, ruddy hair sweeping like a shampoo commercial. (Philby coughed at this point) Finn's arcing drop-kicks had featured prominently, flashing in Technicolor every 20 seconds.  
Charlene's shots, mostly handsprings on the beam, bars dismounts and vaults, along with a few scenes of Shawn coaching her, were interspersed with the others', and the commercial ended with the 10 kids/athletes standing together, fans blowing back the girls' hair, as the words "Disney Sportz Academy: Play with the Best," blazed from the screen above their heads in large black block letters.

"Shut up, Philby," it wasn't that bad," she teased, ruffling his hair. He grimaced at her and yanked his head away.

"_I _bet you were secretly _enjoying _it."

Philby grimaced even more deeply.

"Not a chance. That hairspray's nasty."

Finn, just walking up, laughed.

"Agreed."

He handed out the TCBY cups, adding

"Don't know how you do it, Charlene. Your smile wasn't even _fake_."

Charlene grinned on cue, shrugging playfully.

"Guess I'm just tougher than you wimpy macho guys," she said coybly, taking a bite of her jumbo mint chocolate chip with Oreos.

"Charlene: 1, Finn & Philby: 0," Willa announced, leaning over Philby and gouging a huge bite out of Charlene's yogurt with her spoon. Charlene swatted at her.

"Theif!"

Finn raised one eyebrow, trying to contain a smile.

"Now, now, Charlene, she's doing you a favor! Can't get fat before that Typhoon Lagoon ad shoot," he said, voice trembling slightly as he struggled to keep a straight face.

"Thanks for the body-image boost," Charlene scoffed, shoving him gently. Her skin tingled as his fingers met hers for an instant as he swiped at her hands.

"Hands off, dear. Break it, you buy it."

"That can be arranged," said Charlene, grinning evilly.

This made Willa almost spit out her stolen yogurt and start choking, causing Maybeck to pound her on the back (not very gently at all). A passing TSA agent glared at them, and Philby began making I'm-laughing-but-I'm-gonna-pretend-I'm-coughing noises. Charlene's mouth slowly began to pucker as she tried not to giggle.

"PHILBY!" Finn demanded. "Back me up here!"

"Sorry, mate," Philby hiccupped. "Looks like you got it under control," he added, before bursting into another choked coughing fit.

"Hopeless, the lot of you," grumbled Finn, but Charlene saw him smiling as he pulled out his book.

Willa, Philby, Maybeck, and Charlene were heading to Tokyo for a publicity appearance, (apparently Japan was in love with Mickey Mouse? Who knew…) but Finn was flying out to Texas an hour later than them, for a family reunion. He was supposed to have been there 2 days ago, but filming had gone overtime, and between them, Charlene and Amanda had convinced Finn's mom that he wouldn't be abducted by terrorists on his solo flight.

40 minutes later, they said their reluctant goodbyes before making off down the stone-lined passages toward the gate– as Maybeck summed it up "It'll be weird without you, man.". They wouldn't see eachother for a month, when Sportz Academy started, and it would be odd to be apart until then.

Charlene stood at the gate with the others, boarding pass in hand, staring off into the distance at the planes on the runway, zooming past and vanishing into the serne blue sky.

"Charlene!" Willa poked, and Charlene startled.

"They're boarding first class," Willa said, nodding toward the gate. "That's us, remember?"

"Uh, yeah," said Charlene, shaking her head groggily. "Give me a minute, kay? Uh, bathroom."

She strode off, leaving behind her turquoise pilot case, a confused Willa, clueless Philby, and still-ignoring-everyone Maybeck in her wake.

It took her a few minutes to find Finn – he had left the row of uncomfortable seats and was walking toward his own gate, evidently not wanting to sit alone outside TCBY.

"Finn!"

His retreating back showed no sign of slowing, and she called his name again, running now. He turned. To Charlene, it felt like that moment in movies where everything else blurred as the hero and heroine met eyes for the first time. The day had been somewhat unpleasant: last-minute filming, noisy airports, stomach cramps, Finn leaving, and a disgruntled Maybeck. That all faded away now.

"Charlene? Is something wrong?" he asked, green eyes concerned, and worried.

"No," said Charlene, shaking her head a little too quickly and getting a piece of hair in her mouth. She spat it out. "I…I just wanted to say – it was…fun," she concluded lamely. Finn's mouth twitched.

"It was," he agreed with an ironic smile (how did people do that, Charlene wondered). "If you categorize aching muscles, temperamental Olympic athletes and soggy bagels as fun." His voice was warm and intimate, like they were in a living room instead of a crowded airport with people jostling them from all sides.

"I'll miss you," she blurted, before feeling suddenly self-conscious and fingering a lock of her hair. (Probably the one that had gone in her mouth, with her luck.)

Finn's eyes softened and his smile was warmer now.

"I'll miss you, too," he said.

There was silence.

"Final boarding, Flight 397A4, Tokyo," recited the nasal loudspeaker above their heads, echoing off the high ceiling.

"That's your flight," said Finn, blinking.

"Looks like I'm going to miss it," said Charlene, and kissed him.

She'd never kissed anyone, and the sensation was alien, but exciting, like on a roller coaster when your stomach swoops for the first time, or when you feel a kitten breathing under your fingers. Memories, fragmented and blurry flashed behind her closed eyelids: on the rain on her skin as she and Finn raced through Magic Kingdom; his voice in her ear at Animal Kingdom, when he called her Charlie for the first time; the way he had never made her feel like the whiner, even though she usually was.

She pulled back, opening her eyes. Finn's, she noticed, had just opened as well.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.


	3. Roses

**This one is actually one of my favorites, just to let everyone know that important fact :D because my best friend does gymnastics, and I love how this ends. And yes, this one is going to be FinnxAmanda, because that's really what's going on, and that's what Charlene is in denial about. Not denial, exactly, un-acceptance. Anyway, enjoy and review! I love reading what you guys have to say **

The whole gym smelled of chalk and lycra, the faint scent distinctive of gymnastics. Charlene had loved it since childhood, and it had begun to signal an arrival home. It felt unnatural smelling it here, a talisman of comfort and familiarity when her stomach was doing her floor routine with uncanny accuracy. She had planned for this day for months, years, even, if you thought about it. Champs was for the elite of the elite, and making it here proved you were somebody, in the world of gymnastics. Charlene felt small. Last night, and for weeks before, she had been focused on this moment with all her concentration, her determination never wavering, confidence falter-less. Now she knew she didn't belong here.

A warm, hard hand touched her shoulder, and she startled away, jerking from the touch.

"Jumpy much?"

"Finn!" She threw her arms around him in a gigantic hug, short enough that her cheek brushed the curve of his neck. "I'm so glad you're here." She heard the slight murmur in the crowd, and saw the camera flashes in her peripheral vision, but couldn't care less at the moment what her coach, or parents, or anyone thought: the soft cotton of his t-shirt and faint smell of his shampoo quieted her uneasy stomach and made her brittle muscles relax since the first time since 5 am.

"Look who I brought," he said, hugging her and then drawing back. Amanda enveloped Charlene in a hug, murmuring quietly, comforting words that Charlene couldn't make out, but understood nevertheless. "We've got front row seats," said Amanda, finally pulling away. "We'll be right there the whole time."

Charlene took a deep breath, shutting her eyes for a fraction of a second.

"I don't think I can go out there."

It was Finn who spoke this time.

"Charlene. Listen to me."

"Finn, I –"

"You. Can. Do. This," he said, words low and quiet.

"Finn –"

"You can do this. I know you can. You know you can."

"I—"

"GYMNASTS, PLEASE JOIN YOUR COACHES. FLORIDA CHAMPIONSHIPS, SESSION B, AGE CLASS 13-14 WILL BEGIN SHORTLY."

"Charlene, we'll be right there," said Amanda reassuringly. "You should go. Remember, you HAVE this."

Charlene, choking back the gag reflex her stomach was encouraging, smiled weakly and stroke across the gym to Coach Lana, who hugged her reassuringly. Charlene nodded jerkily and sat down on the folding chair beside her, watching with a slow, sinking sense of dread as the agonizingly quick countdown of preteen gymnasts continued. All much, much too soon, "CHARLENE TURNER, NUMBER 17" was called, and she rose shakily to her feet, feeling nauseous as the world spun around her. She took a few hesitant steps to her starting place and the floor, mouth dry and hyperventilating frantically. She scanned the audience and locked eyes with Finn. He gave her a single nod. Charlene smiled.

Up on the podium, Charlene didn't remember her routines at all – the back-to-back tumbling sequences, perilous beam back tucks, and triple pike bar dismount all were dim to her. Coach Lana had been over the moon, babbling about technique, about fire, about winning, about bisecting take-off momentum, but it was all vague and blurry to Charlene. She grinned at the cameras from her perch at the top, eyes searching for Finn from beneath the glaring spotlights, racing over the front row, and her stomach dropped. He was kissing Amanda, gently brushing back a strand of her sandy hair.

Charlene felt the barest glimmer of tears trembling behind her lashes and fought them, tilting her chin upward. She raised her roses and gold medal high above her head, shaking back her long blonde hair and beaming still brighter.

She was Charlene Turner.

She was perfect.

She was beautiful.

And no matter what, Finn would never love her.

**Told you I liked the ending…..**


	4. Sunbeams

**Chapter One of the 4th****Kingdom Keepers is up on Facebook! Just type "TheKingdomKeepers" (no spaces) in the search box, and you can read it! Unfortunately, it confirms that Finn**_**does**_**like Amanda – sigh – and it also confirms that Amanda likes Finn.**

**I was inspired by a collections of photos I saw titled "Love isn't all about kissing" and I hope this chapter reflects that. But I'm not quite happy with it, so suggestions for improvement are much appreciated!**

It was a beautiful day in the park – green and sunny, the kind of days frozen in real estate ads and 'Wish you were here' postcards. A breeze rustled through the new leaves on the trees, ruffling Amanda's hair and causing Maybeck's too-baggy tee to plaster itself to his chest.

Charlene sat at the edge of the blanket, watching the two of them approach and struggling not to smile. Beside her, Willa started giggling before Philby clapped his hand firmly over his mouth.

"Quiet!" he whispered, glancing across the field as Amanda and Maybeck drew nearer.

It had been Finn's idea to throw Amanda the surprise birthday party, but Charlene and Willa had taken the responsibility for organizing it. (Because everyone admitted that a party planned by Philby or Maybeck would be yawn-inducing, to say the least)

The plan was for Maybeck to "lure" Amanda here, complaining that as an art project, he had to draw a live model. He would suggest the park, and as her not to tell any of the DHIs he was taking an art course. He was doing a surprisingly good job, given that Amanda a) didn't have her eyes narrowed with suspicion or b) hadn't already beaten him up and demanded the truth.

Finn was a few yards in front of the rest, came out from around a tree and grinned at Amanda.

"Surprise."

Charlene's smile widened as she watched Amanda's expression change from surprise to confusion to comprehension to joy as Finn and Maybeck hurried her around the stand of trees and to the party site.

She knelt slowly on the worn blanket, spread with plates, green glass bottles of sparkling water, sandwiches, grapes, apples, and bowls over flowing with chips. Her startlingly green, tear-filled eyes took in the beaming hosts and Jez, the "Happy Birthday Amanda" sign, and the fluttering canopy of sheets overhead.

"You guys, this is…" Amanda stuttered, eyes spilling over.

"Amanda! This is the least we could do!" Jez cried, hugging Amanda fiercely.

"Enjoyin' your little shindig, dahling?" Charlene drawled, leaning back on her elbows and grinning at Amanda's delight.

"You guys are amazing," Amanda sniffled, hugging each of them in turn. "Way better than Jeanie's 'Crap, now you're older than me' gift I got this morning."

"It was Finn's idea," said Willa loyally, and Finn blushed, looking pleased.

The fternoon was a definite success, as Amanda ripped open her presents, laughed, and ate, the seven of them chattering, joking, and devouring chips, grinning and shoving each other playfully. Philby brought out the lopsided yellow cake (which he had made himself) and 15 minutes laster, they lay belly-up, stuffed.

"We need to burn some calories," Charlene murmured lazily, one hand on her barely bloated stomach.

"I feel fat," Willa grumbled. "Philby, what the heck did you put in that cake, anyway?"

"Well," said Philby thoughtfully, "I whipped some crème fraiche with grapeseed oil, so I think the polyunsaturated fat monomers might –"

"Philby! You don't know your girlfriend enough to realize when she's being sarcastic?" Willa teased, rolling over and throwing a grape at him.

Charlene giggled, feeling giddy. The combination of carbonated water, very sugary cake, and rush of party-fueled adrenaline was making her feel dizzy and incredibly happy, like she was five years old. She rolled to her knees, a vague idea forming in her not-quite-crystal-clear brain.

"We should play Tag," she said slowly, the thought crystallizing now.

"What?" Amanda giggled, clearly part of the sam emotional high Charlene was currently riding.

"Let's," said Jez, climbing to her feet. "I want to play."

"Ugggh," Philby groaned, burying his head in his arms.

"Really, people?" Maybeck asked incredulously, though he was clearly not free of the emotional hysteria threading through the balmy air.

"Not feeling buff enough?" said archly. Maybeck glared at her and Finn laughed.

"You're it."

Their game of Tag was dizzy and struck Charlene as hilarious, punctuated by uncontrollable laughter and shrieks as "it" caught them. The pale green grass trampled under their feet, sending a sweet, dry, summery smell into the air, staining their memories and imbuing its scent into their t-shirts and shorts. Charlene would always equate that smell with July 8th, just as green glass bottles, grass, and lemon cake always made her think back to that day.

"Charlene! Run!" Amanda yelled, doubling over and laughing, glossy dark hair glinting like jet in the sunlight.

Charlene whirled around, searching for It, and tried to race away as she saw Finn hurtling towards her. She was usually one of the fastest runners of the DHIs, but her legs were tired and heavy, losing ground as Finn neared.

She raced toward the tent, launching herself inside just as Finn grabbed her shoulder, the two of them tumbling to the ground, barely missing the plate of grapes.

Finn and Charlene were laughing, sheets billowing down around them as the bamboo support poles tilted and fell, sour cream and onion potato chips fluttering through the air like confetti. Charlene was breathless from Finn's weight on top of her, halfeaten slices of cake staining the back of her t0shirt, melted ice cream soaking wet at the small of her back. She felt dizzy, high on grass and sky and the dancing sunbeams that caught on the tips of Finn's hair and turned them burnished gold. Drunk on laughter and adrenaline and the way Finn's face and hers were so close, a few strands of her blonde hair sticking to her face.

This was the moment Charlene always remembered, the one she always thought of when she smelled grass or saw sheets onsale at Ikea. The one she thought of when she put on the blue t-shirt she'd worn that day, ice cream stains dotting the hemline, the one she thought of when she saw a box of lemon cake mix or sunbeams caught on the edge of her eyelashes. The one she thought of when Finn smiled at Amanda.


	5. Suggestions?

**Hey guys! I'm at a writer's conference this weekend - an editor at Chronicle Books wants me to send her my first three chapters and a chap-by-chap summary! So Brushstrokes won't be up until tomorrow. In the meantime, I'm not happy about a few of my themes, so suggest some! One word that'll be the central theme of one particular oneshot.**

**Thank you to everyone reviewing! I love seeing the little notification in my inbox! *hands out virtual milkshakes* **

**Au revoir!**


	6. Shadows

Reasons why I have to be beautiful.

10. **Me**

Because I was never perfect.

9. **Willa**

Because she's so comfortable with herself, in her own body. Because I've never felt like that.

8. **Daphne**

Because no little sister is going to show me up. Because I won't let her.

7. **Gymnastics**

Because I'm going to be the star. Because there's no other option.

6. **Jeannie**

Because it's nice to be the best, even if you've already won the fight. Because she should think twice before believing she has a chance with Finn.

5. **Philby**

Because I couldn't make him notice me. Because I _needed_ someone to notice me.

4. **Jess**

Because no one will ever call her Mini-Me again. Because I'll be the brightest, the smallest, the prettiest.

3. **Maybeck**

Because I was never good enough for him. Because he's about to find out he was wrong.

2. **Amanda**

Because from the second I met her, she was effortless. And because I never ever felt like I measured up.

1. **Finn**

Because I can't breathe when he walks by. And because I can't let go of the hope that someday, he'll like me back.

`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`

In_ and_Out  
1254 - 2500  
1330 - 2455  
1200 - 1965  
1120 - 2210  
1190 - 2645  
0945 - 2530  
0500 - 2385  
0635 - 2675  
0520 - 2495

`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`

_I don't know if you felt sparks, but I felt fireworks._

_`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`  
_

[x] 105.6

[x] 102.0

[x] 100.3

[x] 98.1

[x] 95.5

[x] 93.0

[x] 89.9

[x] 86.3

[x] 80.7

[x] 78.2

[x] 75.5

[x] 72.8

[x] 70.0

[ ] 68

[ ] 65

`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`

_You have no idea how fast my heart races when I see you._

`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`

Prescott Middle School Medical Report Date: 4/17/10

Name: Turner, Charlene

Age: 14

Symptoms: Dizziness, Nausea

`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`

_No one ever tells you it's not like in the movies._

_`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`  
_

Bust: 30

Hips: 30

Waist: 19

Height: 64

`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`

_You're right, actually. I am pretty - I'm pretty troubled, I'm pretty confused, and I'm afraid. Really, really afraid. Really afraid. _

_ `.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.` _

_"_Charlene, are you going to eat that?"

"No, go ahead. I don't mind."

"Really? Cause -"

"Take it. Please."

`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`

_I was finally moving on and accepting the fact that you were gone and in love with another girl. I finally got that chance to laugh again, to say that I'm free from that flawed, impossible Romeo and Juliet nightmare. And then you smiled at me and ruined everything_.

`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`

"I know you like him, Amanda."

"I'm sorry."

"Neither of us can apologize."

`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`

_I'm broken, but you'd never know. _

`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`

Obituary

Charlene Turner, 14, died Tuesday, May 2nd, from heart failure.


	7. Wishes

Once in a while, right in the middle of an ordinary life, you find a fairy tale.

...

"Hi, I'm Finn."

"Charlene..."

...

When we first met, I had no idea you would be so important to me.

...

"Do you want to go to the Frozen Marble?"

...

You make breathing look magical.

...

The way he pushed his hair back when he was thinking, eyes far away and fingers on his other hand tapping incredibly fast against his thumb.

...

Oh, she knew he liked Amanda.

...

It's never learning about how to weather the storm. It's about learning to dance in the pouring rain.

Well, she wasn't a dancer.

...  
...

"Charlene, you just saved our lives."

"Oh, um, that was nothing."

"I'm serious. That was amazing."

"Oh please, Finn, all you had to do was give her a chance to show off."

...

Amanda almost got slapped right then.

...

Maybe I'm not the person everyone thinks I am.

...

"Let's get lost."

"The front door is easier."

...

I think it's amazing how there are billions of stars out there. But it only takes one person to outshine every single one of them.

...

"You're awesome."

He wanted to hear her say it again.

...

The worst way to miss someone is when they're right next to you, and yet you know he'll never _really_ see you.

...

"Did you see the course Charlene created for herself? No way I would go on that thing in a million years."

"She wanted to impress you."

"That's ridiculous."

"Trust me. She picked the scariest stuff possible. It would terrify the guy _designed_ it. But she's going to come out there and tell us she loved it."

He wanted to disagree, but thought she was probably right.

...  
...

Just because she comes off strong, doesn't mean she didn't fall asleep crying; even through she acts like nothing's wrong, maybe she's just really good at lying.

...  
...

"So we've got to break the spell," Philby said. "Ten times out of ten, when it comes to breaking a spell put onto a girl, you break it by kissing her."

"Not me!" Finn said. "If I kiss Charlene...I am not doing that!"

"Amanda."

...  
...

Sometimes, that girl who seems so perfect, who never lets what people say bother her, who smiles and laughs with her friends all the time, is really the girl who, deep down, is falling to pieces.

...  
...

"Please," Charlene said, appealing to her mother over the breakfast table. "It's no big secret that I like Finn. All you have to do is sign me in at the office. It'll take two seconds."

"And you'll call or text me when school's out?"

"Promise."

Her mother smiled. "You must like him a lot."

"You have no idea," Charlene said.

...  
...

Spend life with who makes you happy, not who you have to impress.

But...what if they're both?

...  
...

"Look at those stars. They're the same stars as last week, as last year. Same as when we were little kids. When we weren't even born. In a few years, no one will ever know who we are, or that Maybeck almost threw up in the shuttle, or how we beat Maleficent with a pen, or the look on your face when Amanda kissed you, or the look on _my_ face when she kissed you.

But they'll see the same stars."

...  
...

Don't cry because it's over. Cry because it never happened.

...  
...

"I said, 'I volunteer'," Charlene reminded.

"I'll go with you," Finn said.

"But if they catch you….We can't let them catch _you_," Amanda said.

Some suppressed smirks. It was the Amanda-and-Finn show. For all to see. Including Charlene, who looked away.

...  
...

Never regret anything, because at on a time it was exactly what you wanted.

...  
...

"You know, I don't understand why I liked you. Why I like you. Why I ever decided I loved the way your eyes smiled when you looked at me, why I wanted you to reach for my hand. Why I thought it was worth it to fight against Amanda for you, when she obviously -"

"Charlene, don't badmouth her."

"Finn, what does she have that I don't? What could she _possibly _have that I don't?"

"Well..."

"I imagine that levitating objects _was_ a pretty big attraction, but really, Finn? Amanda doesn't deserve you."

"Charlene, I'm sorry, okay, just-"

"No, actually. I...I really don't think you are."

...  
...

Sometimes silences say a hundred words. A hundred words, and a thousand stories, and a million 'I'm sorry's.

...  
...

I was never good enough. I was pretty enough, never strong enough, never smart enough, never brave enough to make him notice me.

...  
...

Never give up on a person you think about every day.

But what if they've given up on _you_?

...  
...

People say hate is a strong word, but so is love and people throw that around all the time...


	8. Flaws

_It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all._

Sometimes Charlene wondered. The butterflies when their hands touched, or when their eyes met. The electric thrill when Finn even said her name. The way something he said could make her day, was the only one who could always make her laugh. The dizzy, sick, elated feeling when he was right next to her.

The nauseating, horrible drop in her stomach when he smiled at Amanda; when the two of them had one of those secret personal moments that no one else understood and sent Charlene running to the bathroom. The way everyone knew they were a couple; the lengths he went to protect and include her.

She hated the way he looked at Amanda, like she was the only girl in the world. Amanda never noticed. Charlene did.

She hated the way Amanda's fingers didn't fit into his when they held hands. Tangling, not sliding right, always a little awkward. Charlene knew hers would fit perfectly.

She hated the way he was always trying to protect her; the way he drummed his fingertips when he was thinking; how he never got a hint; how he always tried to see the Overtakers as people.

And mostly, she hated the way he made her feel. The strange, utterly certain way she knew she would never feel this way about someone ever again.

...

Finn had felt it the minute they'd met. She was special. Different. The way she seemed to see him. Not smart, confident, got-it-all-under-control Finn. Just him.

...

He reached out, took Amanda's chin in his fingers, and turned her toward him.

He brought his lips to hers and, as their lips met, it wasn't just any kiss, but a ringing-in-you-ears, blinded-by-the-light kind of kiss that went on much longer than he'd expected.

...

"I get butterflies," whispered Amanda before bursting into embarrassed giggles and burying her head in her pillow.

"Aww, honey," murmured Jess, hugging her tightly. "You deserve this."

.

"I get butterflies," whispered Charlene, before bursting into tears and burying her face in her pillow

"Aww, honey," murmured Willa, hugging her tightly. "You don't deserve this."

...

Amanda had known from the beginning that something sparked between them. It was like that Wicked song, Dancing through Life:

"You're perfect."

"_You're_ perfect."

"So we're perfect together."

...

One fairytale in the place where dreams come true.

One Romeo.

Two Juliets.

...

"Hey you, you're late," said Charlene, standing up from the park bench. She'd been the one left at Haunted Mansion to wait for Finn when he'd failed to show at their pre-arranged 9:30 meeting time. Well...actually, she'd volunteered.

"Sorry," gasped Finn, running up. He bent over, hands on his knees, looking almost alien in long flannel pajama bottoms and a loose white t-shirt. "My mom...has...time management...issues..." He looked up. "Hey, you look pretty."

Charlene bit down hard on her lower lip. She knew all about him and Amanda; knew about the way he looked at her; knew all about how they were a couple. But those three little words... "_You look pretty._" made her electric and breathless. She crumpled fistfuls of the pale blue babydoll nightgown and fought the urge to say "I love you."

"C'mon, charming," she said, voice carefully breezy "The KK sleepover's starting in five. Terry, Philb, and Willa are already at the castle. Can't keep our fans waiting."

They started walking down the boulevard, moon bright overhead, the breeze still at least 70 degrees despite it being almost the 10 pm start time for the Kingdom Keepers sleepover Disney had arranged for their "Good, clean fun" PR campaign.

"Mmm," said Charlene after a minute, tipping her head back to look at the stars. "It's perfect here. Just like us," she added sarcastically, rolling her eyes.

"You are perfect," said Finn with a shrug. "Not me."

"You're kidding me." Charlene grabbed his arm and he turned to her. He was at least three inches taller than her, and she had to tilt her chin up to meet his eyes. "You're kidding me," she said again. "Finn, you're _the _Kingdom Keeper. You have fangirls everywhere, you're famous, you're fighting evil. What could _possibly_ be wrong."

Finn jerked away from her, starting to walk.

"I'm not perfect, Charlene."

His use of her full name stung almost as much as his tone.

"Finn..." She trailed off, not sure what to say, or how to make it right.

"Something's not right with me," he said finally.

"Finn, please, please believe me, you're fine the way you are, you're great the way you are," Charlene begged.

"I can hear things." Finn pushed his hands through his hair. "Stuff in my head. Voices, okay? That's not notmal."

"No one ever said we were normal," said Charlene.

It was eerie, how still the park was, walking down Main Street in pajamas. For once, not pretending to be flawless; not embodying the invulnerable Kingdom Keepers with their superhero status; not believing the sugarcoated happy ending golden perfection attached to everything Disney.

"It started with Kingdom Keepers," he said flatly. "After the crossing over, after Maleficent. Dreams. Hearing things."

Charlene searched desperately for words.

"Finn...I...it'll be okay," she tried. Trying somehow to let him know how sorry she was, how much she wanted to say he was wonderful. That she was horribly, terribly messed up, that all she wanted to do was _make _it okay. That he made her feel electric, protective, breathless. That no one else could make her feel like this.

"It's not going to be okay." He wouldn't look at her.

"Hey," she said quietly, touching his arm. "_Hey. Look at me._"

He stared up at the sky, stopped walking.

"I think I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder."

"Finn, I'm bulimic."

He turned, and suddenly she couldn't stop talking.

"I'm throwing up, making myself throw up all the time. _All the time_. It's the only thing I can control, nothing else is okay, I can't deal with things. It happens when I'm angry, upset...when I'm scared."

She squeezed her eyes shut, gasping, fighting not to cry. She didn't know why she was telling him this, now, in the dark in the middle of Main Street, showing for the first time that she wasn't the Golden Girl. Charlene felt Finn move closer, and then he hugged her, his familiar scent surrounding the two of them.

"I think we really know each other," he said.

She rested her head on his shoulder and started to cry.

"It's going to be okay," he whispered, hugging her tighter.

And she believed him. The princess, even if she was wrong, a golden girl messed up beyond repair, always had a Prince Charming. Hers had just rescued her.

And in that moment, I swear we were infinite.


	9. I'll miss you

_March 27, 2009_

_It was Maybeck's 14th birthday, and they were bowling, aptitude for the sport varying from stunning (Willa) to extraordinarily bad (Philby)._

_"Screw it, Philby," said Maybeck, staring at Philby's eighth gutterball. "Dude, you are so fired."_

_"Booyah, baby!" Willa screamed, dancing on the ball return._

_"We should **not** have agreed to boys against girls," Finn moaned, covering his face with his hands._

_"Oh, c'mon," said Philby hopefully. "It's not that bad." He held out a greasy red plastic basket. "Nachos?"_

_Maybeck shot him a disbelieving, "can you please leave before I punch your face in?" look, similar to the ones the shoe clerk had been giving them before Will had stomped up to her half an hour ago and demanded to know if she had "an auditory-related dispute with the decibel level of our exultory emissions." The pug-nosed redhead hadn't been seen since, to Willa's immense satisfaction._

_"You guys suck," cheered Charlene. She stumbled, but righted herself and twirled, sequins on her skirt glinting in the dim light. "Hey, we all have to name our first kid Chaylinn."_

_There was a momentary, confused silence before Maybeck burst out laughing. "What?"_

_"Yeah. Charlene, Maybeck, Willa, Philby, Finn. Get it?"_

_"That's kinda cool," Philby conceded._

_"We should put Amanda in somehow," said Finn._

_"No," Charlene snapped. "Too complicated."_

_"So me and Philby are supposed to share the l and the i?" Willa complained._

_"Technically, I think that i goes with my two n's." Finn turned to Charlene. "There **are** two n's, right?"_

_"Nghh," Charlene grumbled. "Just promise. First kid. Chaylinn." She paused. "Actually, make that first girls. Boys would get bullied if they got named Chaylinn."_

_"Fine." Willa shrugged. "It's not we'll actually remember, but fine."_

_"Fine with me too," said Maybeck, throwing his arm around Charlene's shoulders. She giggled, made a face, and shoved him off._

_"Okay...?" said Philby. He glared at the electronic scoreboard. "Can we get back to playing now?"_

_"Finn?" Charlene asked._

_"Sure," said Finn, pulling out his phone as it buzzed. "Hang on, I'll be right back. I gotta take this. It's Amanda." He hit accept. "Hey beautiful."_

_"C'mon, Charlene," said Willa, pulling her towards their lane. "We gotta kick Maybeck's butt."_

_"Yeah, I'm coming," said Charlene with a smile, bouncing over and grabbing her ball. As the pins tumbled in a strike a moment later, she willed herself not to turn around and watch Finn walk away._

January 8th, 2011

Dear Finn.

I'm sorry I'll never grow up and have a Chaylinn. But to be honest, I always kind of hoped my Chaylinn would have Whitman for a last name. Now she's open for better genetic material than I could ever give her. Oh, look at that. "Genetic material". Big words for a pretty girl. I never did get enough credit for not being an idiot.

People always say it isn't worth it. "Just think of your future", "Don't throw all this away in one moment of weakness", "It's not fair to the other people". Even the paragon of constant rectitude, Tim Gunn, says, "It will get better." But "will" is too long a wait for me. I can't even tell you why that's true. What my reasons are. Whose fault it is. Why I could save the world but couldn't save myself. How I got so lost that now there's no way out.

But it had nothing to do with you. You kept me alive for longer than I thought possible. And I hope someday you'll believe me. Because it's the truth.

It's no one's fault, Finn. I killed me. I lied. About the pressure, about having to be perfect and pretty and popular and a winner and the girl everyone wanted to be. That pressure didn't come from my mom, or my friends or Candace or my cheer coach. It came from me. I was filled with an all-consuming, desperate need to be special. Everyone wants to be special. I was just a little more unhealthily obsessed with it than most.

The thing that scares me now is that you'll find out how small and weak and empty and unextraordinary I really was. I'm sorry I lied to you. So many times. I'm sorry I told you I was pressured and stressed and overwhelmed by "my friends". I'm sorry I told you I "used to be" bulimic and suicidal.

Sometimes I wondered if when you asked, "how are you?" and I said "fine", if you really believed me. Sometimes I wondered if you knew I was lying, and were just too scared or polite or chivalrous to call my bluff.

But it doesn't matter now. And I need to say I'm sorry.

And so, I'm sorry. I really did care about you.

There's a quote from Looking to Alaska that I have up on my wall. "You can love someone so much...but you can never really love someone as much as you can miss them."

And I'll miss you.

I hope you'll miss me.

Love,

Charlene


End file.
